You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
