party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
