I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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