when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
