quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
