She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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