so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
