seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
