i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
are you so shy because you have an std?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
