just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
