I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
