mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
