Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
