exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
