just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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