I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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