ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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