would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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