She's JV to your varsity
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize