Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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