yo everyone went to the hospital last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
