This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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