she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
