Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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