this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
