Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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