I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
