We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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