What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
