I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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