Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
