whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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