Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
