It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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