how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
