i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
