I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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