Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
