I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
