and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I met the friendliest cop last night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
