I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
