I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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