I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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