i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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