it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
