Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am naked and annoyed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
