there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
