Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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