I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
