Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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