Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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