im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
