people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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