she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
