U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
