I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
