just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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