New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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