Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
