Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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