Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
