All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
