Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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