how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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