After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am never drinking with the goths again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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