I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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