i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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