2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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