he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
