Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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