return my video game
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
