I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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