i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I showed him my bush... on skype.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
