Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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