Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
