his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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