we're blogging at a bar
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
