hell yes lets make some ravioli
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
