I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sponge bath it is.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
