I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
