I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
