I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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