her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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