People with herpes should wear stickers.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
