I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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