I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
