I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
