we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
