bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
