Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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