i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
