i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
